It's been about a month since I last updated about my life because I've been really busy during this time.
I didn't have the chance to go out during the May Day holiday because I needed to study seriously for the TOEFL exam, and my family didn't support me traveling. Overall, the holiday wasn't pleasant, but I also started some self-study plans. Currently, I'm taking a Meta front-end course on Coursera (including the basics of React.js), and I hope to be able to maintain and update this blog site on my own in the future.
On April 30th, I went to see the re-release of Hayao Miyazaki's "Howl's Moving Castle" and the movie "SPY×FAMILY CODE: White" of "SPY×FAMILY". For the latter, I watched the special IMAX premiere, so I was lucky to get a limited edition poster.
During the month, I conducted various experiments on materials mechanics. The compression and torsion experiments on the materials left a deep impression on me. Although I have always been familiar with the properties of these materials, seeing firsthand how much compression/torsion they can withstand still amazed me.
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I went to a shop that I have always liked and had sukiyaki, but they no longer had my favorite butter base and the variety of meat had decreased. I probably won't go there again in the future.
Overall, the TOEFL exam went smoothly, and I can probably break up with TOEFL now.
A friend bought me an album by Li Zhi that was sold during his tour in Japan. It's really difficult to buy an album by Bi Ge (Li Zhi) in China nowadays. Actually, buying albums in China is not an easy task either. I had some free time over the weekend, so I wandered around the Yuzhong District and went to two music stores. One store has moved several times in the past ten years and is still in business, but the album prices there are about twice the normal price. The other music store had closed down at some point, and I made great efforts to visit its "remains" only to see dusty shelves at the entrance.
With my new TOEFL score report and the application form for exchanging English credits, I went to the Shapingba campus to have the academic affairs officer of our college sign and stamp it. However, she hadn't replied to my message from the day before, and her desk in the office was empty. Out of frustration, I stayed near the Shapingba campus and sent her another message. Later, when I was venting on social media, the academic affairs officer dramatically replied to me, telling me that as long as I met the requirements, I could go directly to her for the stamp. It seemed like a very easy and smooth thing to do. Although I was filled with anger, I could only reply obediently, "Okay."
That day, I had McDonald's, 20 yuan for 20 chicken nuggets. It was similar to the combo I ordered in Hong Kong, but the packaging design at McDonald's in China was better.
In the past week, my teammates and I were busy with the school-level mathematical modeling competition, working day and night to complete the paper and submit it before the deadline. Personally, I feel that the paper is perfect. I hope everything goes well. Next, I need to write the application for the innovation competition and overdraw my own energy.
Starbucks has recently launched many new products, and my personal favorite is the "Red Strawberry Coconut Frappuccino" in the third picture.
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A few days ago, a friend invited me to go on vacation in Korea. Despite having many tasks during my vacation, I still wanted to take some time to relax since I hadn't had a proper break this semester. I discussed it with my mother, and she gladly agreed, saying that I hadn't rested at all this semester and should take some time to relax during the vacation.
However, when she told my father about it yesterday afternoon, he directly vetoed it. Although my mother appeared to be on my side, she wouldn't defy my father and conveyed his thoughts to me. When we talked on the phone last night, he "kindly" told me that I had many tasks during the summer vacation and needed to focus on "important matters."
He has always been like this, a typical Chinese parent. He claims to be "democratic" but doesn't tolerate others questioning him. He makes decisions unilaterally, resembling the great Chinese Communist Party. When we have a problem, he never says, "Let's think about what to do given the current situation," but rather, "Given the current situation, you should do this," seemingly leaving me with a choice, but he has already made the decision for me. If I argue with him, he will say the classic line, "It's for your own good," as if my disagreement and making my own decisions are unforgivable mistakes.
I'm too lazy to argue with him further, but that doesn't mean I will always keep quiet. When I no longer depend on him and can make my own choices, I won't consider his opinions anymore.
It was raining tonight, but I didn't bring an umbrella. I walked back to the dormitory in the rain from Starbucks. I had another phone call with him on the way, and it was all hypocritical harmony. I reported to him about my recent studies and work, and he symbolically expressed concern about me getting wet in the rain. Compared to my mental state, it's more important that I don't get sick and can continue to focus on my studies.
Since I was young, I have been the so-called "child from someone else's family." He has never cared about anything related to my studies—when he was transferred to another city, he didn't care either. I moved to two southern cities before finishing elementary school and finally settled in Shandong when I started middle school, living separately from them. Middle school was a boarding school, and I would leave the school once a week or every two weeks and take a long-distance bus back to my own home alone. Occasionally, I would be notified by the teacher to inform my parents about relationship issues (China's so-called "early love"), and my father would at most say a few words to me over the phone.
He only started "caring" about me when he returned to Shandong and I experienced severe psychological problems—problems that I resolved on my own. After gradually recovering, my exam scores suffered a significant decline. Yes, it was only when my grades were no longer outstanding that my great father started to care about me. Of course, his concern was not so considerate; it was more like nagging me to study seriously, not to be distracted, and to improve my grades, without ever caring about my mental state. I guess even to this day, he probably doesn't know that I went through a very painful period.
After resolving my psychological problems on my own, I gradually accepted myself and realized that I was just an ordinary person. I no longer had any unrealistic fantasies about myself. But in his eyes, I had given up on striving and working hard, and as "his best creation" (he still saw me as his "appendage" rather than an independent "person"), I shouldn't be so passive (even though it wasn't the case in reality).
After the college entrance exam, I didn't have any regrets about my grades. I accepted myself as I am, but he didn't allow it. He had the driver take me to Changsha overnight to "coordinate" with a familiar political commissar at the National University of Defense Technology, trying to get me into this school that he thought was very good. But I refused because I knew that if I really entered that school, my future would disappear. I argued with him in front of the gate of the National University of Defense Technology, and in the end, he changed his mind and let me follow the regular path to enter an ordinary university. When I filled out my college application, he kept pointing and suggesting, leaving only the universities he favored. It wasn't until there were a few vacancies left at the end that I had the opportunity to add my own desired university—among them was Chongqing University. Actually, at that time, I knew nothing about Chongqing University, and the only thing I knew was that it was far from my home.
I was ultimately admitted to Chongqing University and came to this city nearly 2,000 kilometers away from Shandong. This was my father's first victory, and it remains the only one to this day.
This article is also updated on xLog by Mix Space.
The original link is https://ursprung.io/notes/24